The Sandwich Generation - Be Both a Good Child and a Good Parent

Monday, Oct. 5, 2009 Posted: 7:52:40PM HKT

Recently my uncle (73 years old), the care-giver to my mother (77 years old) had an accident. He was admitted to hospital and diagnosed with Parkinson and Visual Dementia. The incident caused some inconveniences and readjustment for us, my brothers and sister. We took turns to take care of my mother who was a diabetic amputee and wheelchair bound. Somehow, we’re caught unprepared as caregivers, then I realize we’re what people in the west called the “Sandwich Generation”? So who are the “Sandwich Generation”?

These are caregivers who are squeezed in between caring for their children, and their elderly parents. Like myself, the Sandwich Generation Caregiver is in the mid-forties to fifties, married, employed and cares for the family and an elderly parent, usually the mother and there are more and more men that find themselves in a care giving role. Today, many delayed having children to focus on their career first, than their children may start college at the same time as their parents become dependent on their support. Adding to the complexity, they may be facing the challenges of "boomerang children" who have returned home after a divorce or a job loss.

Statistics estimate that nearly two-thirds of the baby boom generation will be taking care of an elderly parent in the next ten years. In 1990, Newsweek reported that the average woman spends 17 years raising children and 18 years helping aging parents. Many of these couples face major stress in their finances, emotions, and relationships. Studies indicated that the ranks of the sandwich generation are likely to grow, because of the aging of the baby boomers, lower fertility rates and the delay in family formation. These factors will result in older family members requiring care when children are still part of the household.

The troubling issues is that our politicians are debating on making it mandatory for parents like us to be responsible for our children’s misconduct – which would include jail terms for parents and more recent in the ST August 31 2009 home page that talks about “Parent-support law: Necessary or not?” Amendments to the Maintenance of Parents Act could compel recalcitrant children to provide for their parents. More recently, in the HSBC The future of Retirement Report indicated that Singapore – like most countries of the world – is facing the problem of an ageing population. By around 2010 Singapore can expect to see the number of dependent adults surpass the number of dependent children for the first time.

Sharing from my personal experience, here are some caregiver tips that may help “sandwich generation” caregivers along the way:

1. Seek Professional advice – for referrals to elder-care professionals who can assess your parents' medical needs and finances and then identify local programmes and services to meet those needs.
2. Know where to look for Eldercare Services/Nursing Homes – check out caregiver resources available. I’ve visited 6 such service providers from small scale ones (30 – 40 residents) to large homes (200 to 300 residents)
3. Check available benefits – You'll be surprised at the number of programmes out there – including those providing assistance with health-care and utility costs, as well as property tax relief - many available to needy families.
4. Hired Help - Search for adult day care in your area or if some can afford it engage a maid with geriatrics experience or who could work with the elderly.

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The Rev Tan Cheng Huat