Right 'Love Language' Needed for Strong Marriage: Elder

Friday, Feb. 10, 2012 Posted: 11:54:19AM HKT

Management trainer and motivational speaker Jeffrey Goh delivering the YMCA Christian Talk on Thursday at the YMCA of Singapore building.

Attendees listening to Mr. Goh at the public talk. (Photos: The Christian Post)

Failing marriages may not be due so much to a lack of commitment and effort on the part of couples as to an inability to communicate using the spouse's 'love language', suggested management trainer and motivational speaker Jeffrey Goh.

Delivering the YMCA Christian Talk on Thursday, he explained the concept that was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman in his bestselling book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.

For one-and-a-half hours the 65-year-old former teacher and retired army major engaged his listeners, who packed the Tan Chin Tuan Room I and II on the fourth level of the YMCA of Singapore building.

But Mr. Goh was more than a lively and humorous speaker capable of holding the attention of a crowd. Above all, he is a truly dedicated husband to his wife of 34 years, Alice. This was evident from his stories of constant sensitivity toward her.

There was a time that he went to Japan on a working trip. The couple had already agreed beforehand that he was not to buy any gifts for her. And yet, being the devoted husband he was during the three-day period he could not 'resist' doing so.

Mr. Goh wowed his audience telling of how he continuously wooed his wife while she was an air stewardess. The thoughtful husband would write her a letter whenever she flew.

Her service with the airline lasted seven years. During that period he had penned some 300 love letters. He would also prepare romantic notes which he would then place among her luggage. His hope was to remind her of his love while in a foreign land.

Knowing that she appreciates quality time, he would accompany her on her shopping trips because his presence matters to her. For the past three years, the couple has been going on cruises.

Mr. Goh is lovingly patient with and caring toward his wife. At his age he finds himself needing a two-hour rest on Sunday afternoons. There was a time that his wife woke him up in the middle of his rest with a phone call. When he realised that she needed transportation, he promptly went in his car to fetch her.

With such sensitivity and commitment, it is little wonder that the couple is able to keep the fire of romance burning even after decades. The spouses continue to celebrate Valentine's Day.

In the end, what the speaker sought to highlight to his listeners was the importance of identifying and 'speaking' the distinctive love language or languages of their spouses. Love could be variously communicated through words of affirmation, quality time, tangible or intangible gifts, acts of service.

Couples and parents could show affection for their spouses and children by giving them a hug. Health benefits are associated with the gesture.

The licensed solemniser gave couples numerous tips to enhance their marital relationship. Among other things, he highlighted the need for husbands to verbalise or in other ways express their love for their wives. He encouraged them to shop alongside their wives so as to learn what she likes.

While he focused on marriage during his presentation, which was titled Building Strong Bonds Through the 5 Languages of Love, the speaker also emphasised the need for parents to spend time with their children. He advised parents with more than one child to do so with them on a one-to-one basis.

Parents should also not miss their child's graduation or performances. Their presence at such events is important to the child, he observed. He proudly recalled the time he took leave from work to watch his son take part in a 100-metre run.

As it turned out, the boy did not perform well in the race and appreciated his father's presence and encouragement. Communication between parent and child tends to decrease as they grow older. So parents should enjoy the time they have talking with their young children.

The elder at Bethesda (Bedok-Tampines) Church urged his listeners to give three things to God that He does not already have. These are: their affection, attention - while in church, for instance - and abilities.

But perhaps the most important thing Mr. Goh had to convey to his audience was said at the very beginning of his talk. Highlighting the number of suicides that take place even in a safe and peaceful country like Singapore, he urged his listeners to love themselves.

"It's okay to love yourselves," he said.

Edmond Chua
edmond@christianpost.com